(This is Part 11 of a series. Go back to Part 10.)
I find that the greatest value of asking empowering questions of ourselves is not the answers that come, though those can be extremely valuable. Rather, an even greater value seems to come simply in the process of hanging with the questions.
Our minds like to dwell on things, particularly challenges and problems. As far as I can tell, our minds seem to have been programmed by nature that way.
This being so, it's not difficult at all for the mind to get into a negative groove where it keeps recycling various fearful, angry, anxious or melancholy thoughts over and over. The mind likes to dwell on something. And of course, the fruit of such thoughts is feeling depressed, anxious, isolated and so on.
But this tendency of the mind to dwell on things can also be used in a very fruitful way. What we do is give the mind one or more questions to ponder that are based on the negative thoughts but that embody a new vibration.
For example, if we're thinking over and over "I can't make it" (and its variations), we could substitute the question "How could I make it if I wanted to?"
Notice the difference in vibration? In the former we're on a downward cycle, while in the latter the mind is at once engaged in an upward circle even before the answer comes. Just the vibration of the question alone changes our perception as the mind engages on a new track.
Let's take a concrete example:
The other day I ran into a dear elderly friend whom I haven't seen in awhile and asked her how she was doing. She said, "Up and down," which is most often a code phrase for "Not well."
We went to lunch and she told me that she was feeling extremely worried and anxious about various matters. The exact details need not concern us here, but she was quite overcome by fearful, anxious and depressing thoughts. She asked if I knew of anything that might be helpful.
I pictured various possible interventions but in the end decided to simply offer her a question which she could pose to herself.
This latter approach attracted me not only because in my experience it would be the quickest, most powerful and most transformative, but would also be homegrown—my friend would do it, while my role would be essentially that of a spectator. So this was the question:
How can I feel good right now?
She thought about it a moment, then straightened up in her seat, took off her glasses, ran a hand through her hair and said, "Well, I could start by letting go of a lot of things." It was remarkable, and just from a simple question! We do have the answers within ourselves, I know that now.
At that point she posed a second question to herself:
How can I enjoy my life? she asked.
She was lost in thought for a long moment. Then my friend let out a long sigh and then inhaled a deep breath. She didn't need to have an answer right away, just hanging with the question alone was relaxing her.
Now she asked herself a third question:
How can I be happy?
(This is the end of Part 11. Go to Part 12.)
—jim sloman, 9.8.03 for 8.25.04
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