(This is Part 7 of a series. Go back to Part 6.)
In any event, I suggested that my friend make a List of Appreciation about his son and then, after reviewing that list for a few days or so, send his son a note just telling him something that he appreciated about him.
Such a note—especially if built upon by further such messages over time—instead of further increasing the negative cycle of resentment—could instead potentially generate a positive, upward spiral that could eventually lead to a fruitful Sharing Of Space between them.
That Sharing Of Space, in turn, along with continuing daily review of one's List of Appriciation, could result in a real breakthrough where each of them could really forgive each other and fall again into the love that they once had for each other.
If we feel resentment toward someone who is dead or otherwise out of communication, this might be a good approach: First, compile a List of Apprciation about that person and review it for awhile.
Then follow with something that Phil Laut and Jeanne Miller proposed, a four-step process that essentially (to me, anyway) wraps Ken Keyes' Sharing of Space in a wrapper of appreciation. Again we make a list, like this: (And for each item we keep listing or saying things until we feel finished.)
1. Something that I'm grateful for.
2. Something that I want to forgive, or be forgiven for.
3. Something that I want.
4. Something that I love about you.
I think that that is a wonderful list, not only for someone who is gone, but also for two people who are having problems but are still communicating with each other.
A number of different variations and approaches along these lines can work, as various teachers have taught us. What they seem to have in common is this:
–An emphasis upon what we appreciate; and...
–A sharing of one's "truth" within that overall context of appreciation.
It becomes more apparent to me every day how little I know, but it does seem to me that the Buddha and Jesus and Ramana and so many other great teachers were right: An informed and conscious love—and only love—is what really makes the difference.
(This is the end of Part 7. Go to Part 8.)
—jim sloman, 7.24.05
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