Habits have been compared to the gravitational pull that the earth exerts on a rocket attempting to escape to outer space. Unless the rocket reaches what's known as "escape velocity"—about 25,000 miles per hour—it will inevitably be slowed down, stopped, and pulled back to earth.
Similarly, an old habit will pull us back again and again unless we develop an "escape velocity."
When we try to discipline ourselves in giving up a habit that no longer serves us, we can end up divided, one part of us trying to impose control on another part. The idea that I must do this—give up sugar, alcohol, splurging, whatever—can make us rigid in trying to enforce our "discipline".
So how then can we reach "escape velocity" from an old habit which doesn't serve us?
It might be a good idea at this point to put our attention on the central principle involved, which is:
What we focus on expands.
Another way to put it is:
The plant we water is the one that grows.
Yet another way is:
Any behavior that gets rewarded will increase.
One of the greatest rewards we can bring to something is our attention. Just our attention alone is a huge positive feedback; whatever we bring our attention to is likely to increase. Indeed, one of the largest components of love is simply our benevolent attention.
It's a mirroring principle, and absolutely neutral: If we bring our attention to feeling resentment, we'll get more resentment in our inner life; we're cultivating that garden. If we bring our attention to being more compassionate towards our fellow creatures, we'll get more of that.
We get more of whatever we bring our attention to.
Thus if we put our emphasis on giving up an old habit,
our extra attention is actually acting as a reward system, which can actually bolster the old habit. Just ask someone who has tried to give up some form of addiction such as gambling or bingeing.
This being so, the best way to give up an old habit is to create a new one, a habit that serves us, and then put our attention there instead.
Then the old habit simply dies from neglect. We're no longer feeding the old habit the energy of our attention, and it gradually withers and dies from lack of fuel.
Then let's ask: What's the best way to create a beneficial new habit?
In order to effectively create a new habit it's very helpful to do two things:
First, we become very clear on why we want to form the new habit. What benefits, exactly, will it bring us? And then we spend some time on the details of those benefits, so they become clearly fixed in our mind.
Once we have that clarity, the second thing is to create
a vision of the new habit. We see ourselves acting in the ways of the new habit; we visualize ourselves enjoying the benefits that accrue to us from the new habit. And then we spend a few minutes every day reviewing our visualization of ourselves living in that way.
For instance, if we want to give up overeating, we can imagine a new habit of eating leanly, getting up from the table while we're just feeling moderately full. We ask ourselves what benefits we'll receive from our new habit, and answer that question in detail.
Then we create a vision of ourselves as a lean, attractive,
invigorated person. We imagine ourselves looking in the mirror and being pleased; we imagine ourselves going about and enjoying our daily business in our new lean body, and so forth.
As another example, if we want to give up cooked foods we don't focus on cooked foods at all; instead we focus
on creating a new vision, a vision of ourselves enjoying luscious living fruits and salads.
We imagine ourselves eating fresh organic strawberries in season. We see ourselves eating and relishing the fresh mangos, the apricots, the cherries, the raspberries; we see ourselves loving the fresh green salads, and so on.
Whatever it is, again, we create an attractive new vision and put our attention there. And gradually our new habit will reach "escape velocity" and replace the old habit—without our ever focusing on the old habit.
Notice that there's no effort to reject or resist anything, but rather a calling towards something we love.
That's a great metaphor for things in general. Instead of putting our attention and energy on what we don't like about our life or the world, for example, we can put our attention and energy on a positive vision that replaces the old way.
Similarly, old animosities cannot be worked out very well on the level where they came into being. But if both sides can be persuaded to put their attention instead on a vision of mutual cooperation that can benefit both, the animosity can heal itself as a by-product of that new vision.
In general, a difficult problem is solved not by focusing
on rejecting anything, but by rising to a higher level, by focusing on the vibration of love—our love of this new, beautiful habit, project, goal or creation.
—jim sloman, for 8/14/01
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