(This is Part 1 of a series.)
I've mentioned this experiment before elsewhere, but it's worth mentioning again: In 1925 Dr. Elizabeth Hurlock wanted to compare the motivations of students when they received positive or negative feedback. Her results should be blazoned in the sky. Here's what she found, replicated since then by other researchers:
Those students who were praised for that part of their work that was good improved almost four times as much as those who were criticised for that part of their work that was poor.
Now contrast that result with one obtained by the North Koreans on American POWs during the Korean War in the early 1950s. The captors used very little physical torture and gave the POWs adequate food, water and shelter. All they did was just severely and relentlessly criticise the POWs.
The result? The death rate in the camps was 38%, the highest in American military history. It was reported that many of the POWs would simply lose their will to live. Though they seemed all right physically, they'd develop what was described as "extreme passivity."—and simply go into their hut, lay down and die.
Now compare that with a study conducted beginning in 1992 by John Gottman and colleagues. They wanted to see if they could predict which married couples would stay married and which would stay divorced.
They found that they could, by one simple expedient: The ratio of positive-to-negative comments that the couple made to each other. Nothing else was needed; by this one barometer they were able to predict with 94% accuracy who would stay together and who would divorce.
It was simple: They found that couples who were going to stay together had approximately a 5-to-1 ratio of positive-to-negative comments to each other, while those couples who had closer to a 1-to-1 ratio were headed for divorce sooner or later.
Notice something very interesting there: Couples who exchanged an equal amount of positive and negative comments to each other were headed for divorce.
That is, it's not enough for a couple—or by extension, any relationship—to be even-handedly positive and negative in their remarks. To thrive, the couple must exchange about five times more positive than negative comments to each other.
(This is the end of Part 1. Go to Part 2.)
—jim sloman, 8.23.04 for Jan 29
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