My Mom is dead now.
She died a few days ago.
On the night before she died I told her everything.
I told her how much everyone appreciated
what she had been in their life.
I told her how grateful we were to her
for everything she had done for all of us.
I told her how much we appreciated
that she had been on the planet with us.
I told her that she was going home now,
home to the light.
I'd said it all before, but I said it again and again.
And she heard me.
She couldn't move anything but her eyes at that point,
but she followed me with her eyes to let me know
that she'd heard.
********
Tell you a story about my Mom.
One day when I was a kid I had this advanced chemistry set,
And I was up in the bedroom working on this experiment,
And the experiment went awry and blew a hole in my desk.
A big billow of black smoke billowed up to the ceiling.
Mom came up and looked at me and the hole in the desk
and the black smoke, and she just said, "Are you okay?"
And I said, "Yes, Mom, I'm okay."
And that was it. She went downstairs again.
No wrong-making, no guilt-trips, nothing like that.
She didn't even chastise me for the hole in my desk.
She knew I would learn from my mistake, and I did.
********
Another story:
One time many years ago
I was very dissatisfied with my Mom at that point.
And I told her all these hateful things,
how she was a bad Mom and on and on.
I really let her have it.
She didn't argue at all, but just listened.
When I finished there was a silence.
Then she looked up with tears in her eyes
and said, "What would you like me to do, sweetheart?"
And I said, "Nothing, Mom. You just did it."
I learned so much from that moment.
That in the face of such negativity at that moment
she just came from her heart,
and it instantly dissolved all my self-righteousness.
I learned so much from her that day.
********
My Mom loved to dance and sing.
I can scarcely recall any time I ever saw her
that she wouldn't sing.
All the old songs from the big-band era,
She had a truly beautiful voice,
but more importantly, she sang with such feeling.
And she loved to dance and party and beautify.
As one of her old friends said to me at the wake,
"People loved to be around her
because she was so happy, and spread joy."
Very rarely did I hear her complain about anything.
She liked to look on the bright side of things.
********
She loved to work in her garden, and create beauty.
She belonged to the Beautification Committee
where she lived, and as part of that
was responsible for planting over 900 trees.
900 trees.
She loved to beautify, and create life.
She loved to work in her garden, creating flowers.
********
And she grew a lot over the years.
She softened.
She knew, more and more,
that love was all that matters,
and she let me know it.
She gave many examples, and as the end approached,
she became a living lesson in love.
I'll miss her courageous and beautiful spirit.
I'll miss her a lot.
But she lives in my heart,
Right here in my heart,
Right here in my heart, on and on...
********
--jim sloman, 6/30/01 for Jun 30
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