It may seem strange, but in my experience the greatest heart-opener is pain. Look and see—all the pain and suffering that you've gone through in your life has been the very thing that has opened your heart.
It's been the very thing that has enabled us to appreciate the suffering of others, that has softened us to whatever extent we've softened. It's the very thing that has driven us inward to whatever extent we've looked inward.
So, a strange notion: We can welcome the suffering and pain in life, knowing that it will increase our compassion and heart. And in the end, our compassion and heart is all that really matters. Further, to know God even a little our heart must open in love, for God and love are the same thing. And pain can give us that.
It's not that we look for pain and suffering. We don't have to: They will inevitably show up in each human life, just as a measure of joy and laughter will show up.
That's one reason why silence is so valuable. When our silence deepens enough, our buried pain comes up so that we can observe it, be with it and integrate it. In that integration too, our heart gradually opens.
In that opening we become more sensitive to life, we become more aware of the preciousness of a little thing like noticing the sky or playing with the dog. We become more aware that we're going to die sometime and that life—all life—is precious.
There is an exercise called tonglen that's very helpful in this; it's something the Buddha suggested. We sit down, become still and then focus on our breath.
With the incoming breath we take in all the pain and suffering of the world. With the out breath we radiate compassion to the whole universe, with nothing and nobody left out, wishing all beings happiness & peace.
—jim sloman, fall 2000 for Oct 12
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