(This is an article in 4 parts.)
Only an idiot would be so rash as to propose any guides for living, but I easily qualify for that category, so I'll just continue anyway. Oh well!
In my years on this planet, I've managed to come up with only one guide for living so far. And this guide has a preamble. The preamble to the guide will be discussed in this part, and the guide itself will be looked at in Parts 2-4.
Preamble: Love is the ultimate solution to every problem.
I know. Those who are into real-politik will accuse me of indulging in the worst kind of PeterPan-ism, a refusal to grow up and face the realities of this world. And they have a point too, but the rule still stands.
Because love really is the ultimate solution to every problem. Let's take an example:
Suppose you're lying on your bed and having an anxiety attack. You're very worried about this or that, whatever it might be. Thoughts of despair, fear, dread or even suicide float through your mind.
Often what we try to do is reject these thoughts—distract ourselves from them, drug them, push them away, control them, substitute some "better" thoughts, etc. All of these are indeed solutions, but they're only temporary ones—the anxiety will come back, the worry, fear, dread and so on will be back.
Let's look at it this way: Every entity in this universe, including our thoughts, wants to be noticed and appreciated. When we feel loved and appreciated, we have a strong tendency to settle down and be at peace in our existence.
Our thoughts and feelings are no different. Believe it or not, our thoughts and feelings want to be loved and appreciated just as we ourselves do. But it almost goes without saying—almost—that this is not the same as buying into them.
So there we are lying on the bed with thoughts of dread and feelings of anxiety. What would happen if, instead of resisting and rejecting those thoughts and feelings, we welcomed them? "Ah, my old friend anxiety again."
Suppose we dropped all resistance and just allowed ourselves to be there with it. It doesn't mean we have to act on it, believe it, act it out or anything else. Rather, we just look at it, let it be, and appreciate that it's there. How do we know it's supposed to be there right now? Because it is. That's how we know.
Now here's the funny part: If we really love our thoughts and feelings enough—without buying-in to the notion that we need to act on them or do something about them—that love becomes a context so powerful that deep down we'll begin to feel blissful inside about being anxious.
When we hold our thoughts and feelings just as a mother would hold her child, our container becomes bigger, our context becomes bigger, we begin to feel connected to something larger and very mysterious—as indeed we are—and the anxieties or whatever are held in a context that allows them to just be as they are, in their innate, shining perfection.
Paradoxically, when we're perfectly in love with the fact that they're there—without buying-in—they tend to gradually come to rest. In a way, they lie down and go to sleep, contented at last.
Let's take the same example from a different angle: Suppose we were so in love with how things are that we were also willing to let them go wherever they wanted to go—knowing that they're going to go there anyway.
Of course, there is the level at which we appear to make "decisions" and "choices" about whatever, but have you ever noticed?—Ultimately, life just goes where it wants to go...where It wants to go.
When our love extends to a great willingness to let life, including "our" life, go wherever it goes, it's like turning around in the river.
Now, instead of battling to go upstream, we're floating down the current. In that relaxation, our vision improves; we can better see what's on the shore and our impulses for action come from a deeper, more insightful place.
(This is the end of Part 1. Go to Part 2.)
—jim sloman, 9/09/02 for 10/22/02
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