(This is Part 5 of a series. Go back to Part 4.)
There's some very good news to relate, which can have a profound effect upon our well-being. It's this:
The very appreciation that we would like from others we can give to ourselves.
First of all, in showing sincere appreciation of others we will naturally get appreciation back. The circle will spiral upward. Further, the very act of giving appreciation to others increases our own internal well-being. When we fill the buckets of other people we just naturally benefit from that, a kind of karmic gift to us.
But that's not what we're talking about in the italicized principle above. What that is talking about is directly giving appreciation to ourselves. Here's how it works:
We say the appreciative comments to ourselves that we would like to get from others.
Let's take an example:
I've been writing this series of articles recently. After I've written one, if I'm truly satisfied with it—because even self-appreciation has to be sincere to be effective—I then say to myself something like this:
"Jimmy, I'm really happy with that article. You did a great job with that. It stands a really good chance of being helpful and you expressed it well. Good work."
Two points: If the article isn't good enough yet so that I can honestly feel those sentiments, I rework the article again and again until I can truly feel that I've done a good job. Remember, our appreciation—whether to others or to ourselves—has to be sincere.
Secondly, note that the appreciation is specific. Research has shown that specific appreciation is far more effective and valued than generic one-size-fits-all appreciation. For a very good reason: Because specific appreciation shows that we're paying attention, we're aware of what someone else or ourselves is doing that is worthy of appreciation.
Let's take another example: Suppose we've been trying to get to bed earlier lately. We just feel it's a good idea; we seem to sleep better when we do. Naturally, we'll have an affirmation to that effect. That's the "front" of the coin.
The "back" then would consist of self-appreciation when we've managed to get to bed at a reasonable hour. It might go something like this (use your first name or nickname):
"Great, Jimmy, you're getting to bed at 10 o'clock tonight. Very cool. Good for you, you did it tonight."
This kind of simple reinforcement, the complement to our front-end affirmation, works like a charm, particularly if we seem stuck in some way or we have a history of being critiical towards ourselves.
Though I mentioned specific appreciations above, if we've using enough specific ones then a general one is fine too now and then. A good general one to use is this:
"Your life is unfolding exactly as it's supposed to."
Pretend that God is saying it to you. In fact, that's exactly what God is saying to you, in effect, because there is not a whisker of separation between "you" and the Eternal.
The principle of appreciation, both towards ourselves and others, is extremely effective in revealing the inherent beauty in the world, including our "personal" world. And as said before, it is part of the more general principle:
Love is the ultimate solution to all problems.
(This is the end of Part 5. Go to Part 6.)
—jim sloman, 8.26.04 for May 3
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